


Fooled by your eyes (makes for easy lies)

by SheDrabbles_butitsalie_ (ShaShirRa)



Series: Balancing Acts [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Badass Toph Beifong, Blindness, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Myths and Lore, Original Character(s), Spirit Animals, Spirit World, Spirit deities, Spirits, Toph Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-01-22 20:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21307937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaShirRa/pseuds/SheDrabbles_butitsalie_
Summary: Her parents call her weak. They think she's helpless. She might be blind but they're the ones who don't see her. Toph Bei Fong knows who she is, and as soon as she's great enough, she'll shove that knowledge at her parents until they do understand.
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Toph Beifong's Parents
Series: Balancing Acts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536325
Comments: 106
Kudos: 723





	1. Prologue: The shape of darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this because Sokka is once again complicating things. As he do.  
This is a prequel companion piece to my other ATLA fic Of Spirits and Men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I had to reorganize my notes because I had a flash of inspiration, and now this is the prologue.

The world was _darkness_ when she stood still.

Darkness while she _breathed_ and _listened_ to everything pass her by. Her life was only bright, only _given form_, in her head; all it took was a single step, and she was shown a _kaleidoscope_ of shapes and masses, things that made sense three-dimensionally, but that she would never actually _see_ until she touched her fingertips to the subject. (Or smashed it with her fists.)

This was because Toph Bei Fong was _blind_. Not that it was a _big deal_ to her -but it tended to be to other people. She didn't understand that at first though.

The first time she really _understood_ what people meant when they called her a _poor dear_, in that _ugly-not-nice_ tone of voice, she was listening to a nanny speak to Mother.

(Nannies always seemed to change, and always had the same name and smell, but Mother always smelled like rich lotus lilies and mikans, and her name never changed.)

Toph listened to Mother and _newest nanny_ argue softly over her, and Toph kept hearing those words, _poor dear_, and they were the _worst kinds of words_. They made her feel even smaller, like her heart was shrinking inside her chest. She _ran away_. They weren't at home today, a rare day that Toph got brought along on whatever Mother and Father did outside. No one was paying attention, she knew, because she actually made into what felt like trees and shrubs. No-one stopped her, so she kept going. Toph may have only been seven, but she wasn't a _poor anything_, and she deserved to prove it.

That didn't stop her from being terrified by whatever that squishy feeling between her toes was, or wondering what that sound behind her meant. By the time she realized that she'd _maybe_ made a mistake, she couldn't hear Mother anymore. She couldn't hear anyone, and it was...both _terrifying_ and _wonderful_. Exciting and disturbing. She wandered a little further, ignoring the _scaredy-cat_ in the back of her mind that told her she should _stop_ and wait for an adult to find her. 

(That _scaredy-cat_ was the same one that repeated things like '_I'm helpless,_' and '_I'm blind,_' and '_I'm only a little girl in a big scary world. I'm not ready for what life has prepared._' Toph wanted to believe that those things weren't true. She wanted to believe that being blind didn't have to be who she was. She wasn't sure what or who else she could be, but she _didn't_ just want to be _blind little Toph_, who was a _poor dear_.)

Her father's voice in the back of her head pointed out that she'd only ever be his blind little girl. She moved a little faster because now she had something to prove. (Even if it was just to herself.) Then she fell. She hadn't been expecting it, hadn't been ready for it -but when was she ever?- so she screamed. She screamed every time she caught her breath, because the ground kept shifting and changing, and she kept dropping, and eventually, she rolled to a stop. 

(It should have hurt more, she contemplated. Falling should have _hurt more_, but it hadn't. She wouldn't ever remember this later, but this was the first sign that she was an Earth Bender. The ground, _no matter how hard_, would never hurt a child of Dabogong's Will. The Earth would _always _soften under her feet, and she hadn't needed to be _trained_ for this particular type because it was all _instinct_.)

When she finally stopped moving, when the _world_ finally stopped changing, she cried -because for once the scaredy-cat in her mind was _right_. That had been _terrifying_, and she _never_ should have come out here, but she was so _tired_ of being considered _weak_ and _helpless_, and like she wasn't her own _person_. Her cries _echoed_ off of empty stone walls and _resounded_ in the very Earth, and for the first time in a _very long while_, they woke a Spirit God who'd sworn to sleep away the centuries. 

(He'd lost his favorite humans' eons before, one to _human war_, another to her own heartbreak _after_. It hadn't been the first time his favorites were taken ruthlessly, but he'd thought it would be the _last_. Agni had suggested he _sleep _away the hurt, let his _children_ deal the humans for a while, and Dabogong had agreed. _Sleeping_ had sounded like a marvelous idea. Now ... now something_ called him_, a buzz under his senses that drew. He'd never been very good at ignoring his curiosity.)

Toph's tears were free-flowing now, and she couldn't stop them no matter how she breathed, and her father and mother's voices kept pounding in her head. '_Our helpless little girl_.' Mother cooed, like it was simply a fact of life that _blind_ and _helpless_ were the same things. Something deep in Toph's mind knew it wasn't, knew she _could be more_.

(He found the source of the _buzzing_. It was a _human child_ -touched by his Will, but there was _something else_. It took a little time to trudge through her emotions before he found it. Sightless, like his children, and with so much _potential_.)

'_Always remember Toph, the world is a dangerous place, you're simply not equipped to handle it.'_' One of Father reminds her quietly from her thoughts. She's beginning to worry that he's right. That Toph will never be anything more than a helplessly blind girl trying to be something else.

(For the first time in eons, Dabogong looked at a human and saw nothing but _possibilities_ -all the things she could shape with his Will, if she had something to use as leverage _against the world_. It had clearly been unkind to her if she was crying in his embrace and didn't seem to care that the walls around her rolled with worry. He stirred a little more and nudged one of his children in her direction. )

The space behind her rumbled ominously, and Toph stiffened just before there was a sound like falling rock, and _something_ shuffled into the cave space with her. At first, she was afraid, even with that stirring _something_ in her mind telling her everything was fine, and then-

A wuff of _hot breath_ and a curious nose poking _gently_ at her cheek, a gentle sniff before she was _nudged_. Startled, she slowly turned and sniffed it back. Dirt and heavy musk, something that smelled like the forest and ground. Another, gentler nudge and she tentatively reached up to _touch_. She traced the lines of a cone-like muzzle and was soft as she could be around its eyes. A deep, pleased rumble that must have been a sound of _happiness_, and then it was settling around her. She had no idea what it was, but it was _warm_ and offering _comfort_, and she was _greedy_. 

(His most _powerful_ chosen always learned directly from his children these days. He knew that she would be in good hands, so he settled in to watch over them both. He filled the grounds around them with comfort, and made sure his embrace was soft against her.)

Toph ended up sleeping against the big furry something because she was _tired_, and her _throat hurt_, and she felt like she'd cried more than she should have. This cave wasn't so bad as she thought, and the ground was much more comfortable than the fancy mattress she had at home. (She found it odd but _natural_ that the Earth beneath her shifted with her weight and gave where her limbs pinched uncomfortably against it.) In the back of her mind, where a growing _something_ lived, she recognized that the Earth was only responding to her wishes.

(She slept better in the _cold-but-so-warm-cave_ than she ever had at home, surrounded by guards and people that caved to her every wish because she was _poor little Toph_. She dreamed of a great big shadowy _something_ that she could actually _almost see_. It watched her from the mouth of a cave with amusement and affection, and a very much smaller furry something settled around her and showed her many interesting things. They were the first dreams Toph ever had that involved _brightness_ and _shapes_ and could see without _touching_, and what must have been _colors_. It was all _too_ bright, _too_ much, and she got the feeling she wouldn't be getting a _repeat experience_.)

She woke to blissful darkness. The furry something that had slept with her stood and _groaned_ softly, and she _understood_ now. Her first lesson in Earth Bending had her crawling around on all fours, learning the different _textures_ of the Earth beneath her, and how they made different _shapes_ in her mind. She learned how to expand her senses and make sense of the world around her, and by the end of the day, she could stand and stomp her feet and see that the big furry something was roughly the shape of a badger mole.

(She knew that shape. It was one of the first ones her favorite nanny ever taught her. They'd traced it together on paper, one _gentle-big_ hand cupped over Toph's smaller one. She missed that nanny.)

They slept again in the new space they'd dug to, and the next day she got her second and last lesson. By the end of it, she could bend her way to the surface, and the ground parted around her like rolling waves. The badger mole didn't follow her to the surface, and parting from her felt like Toph was leaving herself behind. 

(In a way, she was. The Toph she'd been hadn't come out of that cave. That Toph had been ready to believe that she was helpless, because that was all she'd been taught. Who she was _now_ knew that if she really _practiced_ and tried hard enough, she might one day move _mountains_.) 

Her Father and his search party found her sitting calmly in a rocky little glen, apparently filthy, plating with a pair of oddly carved rock toys. She never told him the whole truth. All she would admit is that she fell into some kind of hole, and that she got out by accidentally making the hole wider using Earth Bending. She got a lecture to end all lectures for wandering off, and even more reminders that she was helpless, and should be appropriately cautious because of it.

They didn't talk about her ability to Earth bend until much later. By then, Toph had managed to learn every nook and cranny of a house that had perplexed her before, but was permanently mapped into her mind now. They decided to get her an Earth Bending instructor, but from the way they spoke, she knew they didn't want her to learn. What good was knowing how to Earth Bend if you couldn't see what you were bending?

(She saw more than they would _ever know_. She saw the way the Earth breathed and shifted beneath her, always steady and comforting. She saw the subtle imperfections in the Bei Fong family estate and fixed them, because eventually, they would fall if she didn't. She saw the way people _shuffled_ around her and tried to not touch her. She wondered if they'd _always_ done that, and she just _never noticed_ because seeing with all her senses was different than hearing padding feet on old stone. It was a start.)

* * *

Sneaking out of the house was _ridiculously easy_ when you could trace the guard's patrol paths in your mind. A year before, Earth bending had changed her world, not just because now she could sort of _see it_, but because she had a way to _express herself_. She did this between the hours of ten at night and one the next morning, and only _ever_ on the nights that she knew her _newest nanny_ was imbibing with one of the guards and therefore _too busy_ to check on Toph. She ended each day beating her frustrations into the Earth -which was always all too happy to comply- and each new morning carefully putting it back together.

Being a good bender -possibly even the best in this _area_\- made her more confident, and more prone to _disheartenment_ when her father refused to listen. In his eyes, she was _never_ going to be anything but the blind baby that couldn't see him, a daughter with a disability that needed constant protection. So much so, most people didn't even realize she _existed_. 

Toph tried not to think about the _implications_ of that. She may not be able to _read_ to learn, but her tutors made sure she could recite useless knowledge verbatim, and amongst all of that, Toph had picked up the saddest things. She was the only child to the _richest_ couple in the Earth Kingdom -possibly even richer than the King himself, if her family's extensive history and connections were anything to go by. Yet the world _didn't know_ about her. Was it because her family couldn't afford to be seen as _weak_, or because they were _ashamed_ of her blindness? Was having only _one child_ a sign that they were afraid to get another disabled kid? The innumerous possibilities there were hard to think about.

(On the days she was reminded that she would be a _young woman_ in a few short years, she crushed the possibilities that tried to spring up in her mind. She hated to think that one day, her parents would find a _young boy_ -please be a young boy- they could trust to look after her, and _consequently_ their estate, and pray that she didn't have any _blind children_. Toph beat the Earth even harder than usual on these days.)

She dreamed dreams of moving the earth like waves and swallowing Gaoling so that she didn't _have_ to think about these things any longer. Such dreams usually left her feeling breathless and scared of herself, until she convinced her own mind that the dreams were the kind of thing anyone would have. Who didn't want to crush the things that frustrated them? 

(Most days, she could believe that lie. Some days, she wondered if she might ever be shoved to that fine line between '_destroy this place to live_,' or '_accept your fate and die a slow death_.')

She never could find the answer.

* * *

She really learned about Earth Bending from Earth Rumble VI. Which isn't to say that her badger mole _mother_ hadn't taught her well, just that she'd taught her what she _needed_ at the time. It was entirely on accident that she'd even _heard_ about it, but after ... after she needed to _see it_. It was a little harder sneaking out to an event than to practice bending, but she managed, and she made sure to find what she thought might be the least gaudy clothing and a cloak. 

The energy on Earth Rummble VI was a little catching, and a lot _excited_, and Toph watched with her feet planted and all her senses aware as the men in the ring threw rocks at each other in the most theatrical ways. Halfway through, she was bored, and she realized that she could probably have beaten some of these people. 

(There was an age requirement to participate, she found out after. Their youngest participants were _ten_, and most of them were slotted for the _earliest matches_ -usually against_ each other_, and much earlier in the tournament than the adults- so they could be quickly cycled out. It was apparently a good way for the self-taught bending children to gauge where they were. Toph wasn't entirely self-taught, but she knew what she wanted to do for her tenth birthday now.)

Shee kept going back. Here, she an anonymous face, a child that might belong to anyone in the crowd, and these people all liked the same things she did. Throwing rocks and smashing stuff. For the first time in her life, it felt like she'd possibly stumbled onto something that was uniquely hers. Not her parents, or Master Wu's. She was the only one who was here, and it was hers. So she kept going back, and learned despite how much better she thought she was.

No matter how theatrically planned the moves were, Toph practiced them, and turned them into applicable movements that were more natural. She watched and listened, and learned how the Earth beat in tune with the benders in the ring. (It was a different tune than the Earth sang with her, like _Bender_ and _thing being bent_ were using different pitches, and couldn't make them sound right together.)

By the time she was turning nine, Toph came to the conclusion that she and the Earth had a _special connection_ that she couldn't peg. It was alright that it didn't have a name -she just enjoyed that _it was hers_ as much as _she belonged to it_. 

(Dabogong agreed with her assessment.) 


	2. Tears were a tool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER EDIT: Wow, it took me longer than I'm comfortable with to get back around to this. Between classes, work, and the main fic for this AU Spirits and men, I've been shoving it to the back burner (Not ignoring it, I have been thinking about it a lot), but no more! This one and Azula's story will be what I'm alternating between right now. _Sorry it took so long! _
> 
> Chapter status: COMPLETE.  


Father had hired _another_ new nanny. Apparently he'd finally caught on to the old one's bad habits and realized that she couldn't really _nanny_ Toph while she was sporting a headache and sleeping till after the sun rose. Toph missed the general obliviousness of old nanny. _New nanny sucked!_

This one didn't _dally_ with the guards in her off time, didn't imbibe in spirits, and she checked on Toph _unexpectedly_ through the night. She almost caught the young girl sneaking out, except that Toph had felt her coming and quickly changed back into her night-dress. 

She hadn't been able to _practice bending_ in a couple of weeks. She hadn't been to Earth Rummble VI in the same amount of time.

(The winning bets she'd placed all the times before that mocked her from their hiding place. She wasn't sure _why_ she was hiding the money, only that _something_ kept whispering to make the bets and hide the profit. She didn't see the _need_. Her family was rich -but she still did it. That voice had never steered her wrong before.)

She felt shaky recently, like there was something clawing at her insides ready to burst. Like not bending was the same as _not breathing._ As a result, everyone was convinced she was becoming ill, but they wouldn't listen when she tried telling them what was _wrong_. She couldn't even blow off steam on the Nanny's _day off_, when Master Yu came for their _lessons_. He kept her at breathing exercises and basic forms, and _refused_ to show her anything else.

(Dabogong was _worried_. It wasn't healthy for one of his blessed _not_ to shake up the Earth for an extended time. They needed to break rocks and form new structures like they needed to breathe.)

The nanny was named Wei Pi, and Toph was beginning to hate her. She was serious and had all these _rules_ about where Toph could be and when and what she was _allowed_ to do outside of _hand-knitting, _or _rope weaving_. Toph hated both of these activities, because her fingers always got _turned around_, and she'd rather be _smashing rocks_.

It was on a particularly frustrating day of rope weaving (she'd spent _three hours_ making a decorative knot she couldn't see unless she was _touching_ it, and apparently she'd _done it wrong_. Go figure.) That she'd had _enough_. Toph threw the newest rope she'd been handed to the ground, with as much force as she could muster. It gave a satisfying smack as it hit the stupid wooden floors in the refurbished _'study room'_ and Toph _growled_ at it for good measure.

(It almost felt like the ground shifted subtly beneath her feet, something deep below turning it's full attention her way. Of course, she would know for certain if she wasn't in this _stupid room_.

"Now _Miss Bei Fong_, I understand that this is frustrating-" Wei Pi started, and Toph had _definitely_ had enough of that _gentle damned tone_. She wasn't fragile, wasn't _breakable_. She was just _irritated_!

"Oh _do you_? Do you know how _frustrating_ it is to be told to replicate something you can't even see?" Toph didn't often pick at her own blindness, but right now she _was_ blind. "Something that is apparently so important, it requires hours of physical torture?" She gestured wildly to the space around her, tiny hands clenching.

(Something began to _rumble_ and _shake_, a thin vibration rolling outwards from where she stood. Toph didn't notice, because she had opened her mouth, and now the words _wouldn't stop_.)

"I can't see _any_ of it in this stupid room, doing your _stupid_ rope weaving!" She shouted frantically, that itch under her skin a _burn_, "and _I hate it!_ I would rather be out in the gardens _tossing boulders_ than rope weaving. I would rather be smashing these stupid, decorative knots _into a cliffside! _I'm tired of everyone giving these mundane, _ridiculous_ pastimes, acting like I'm _made of porcelain!_" She stomped her foot to emphasize her point.

The ground beneath them literally _rolled_, tossing both Toph and Wei Pi from their feet. She could hear the crack of breaking wood, and suddenly, she could sort of see -but not quite, her feet and hands kept knocking into broken pieces of wood. Toph was _alarmed_, because the Earth had never done _that_ before unless she made it. There was suddenly an adult body bracing over her and-

Wei Pi _bended_. She twisted her hands and hips, and smacked her palms down on either side of Toph. The Earth beneath them stilled, bracing itself down deep and becoming a well of calm, even if everywhere else was trembling. (Toph could see the pattern that wove itself through the stone, almost delicate but too _bold_ to be that alone. Her vision was cut off temporarily when Wei Pi shifted her a little more into the center of the stone she'd _claimed_.)

Toph reached blindly for one of Wei Pi's hands, vision fuzzy because they were sitting on a mesh of broken wood and stone. The Nanny's delicate hands had smashed into the stone like it was soft dirt, all in an _instant_. Toph hadn't seen any of the men at Earth Rummble VI do that yet, had just enough time to marvel at the _control_-

The nanny stood with a _stomp_ and _firm twist of her feet_, four pillars rose up around them, then did something where they broke sideways and connected, creating a broken tent in their small space. The house was still resonating with the violent heaves of the Earth. She could hear raised voices over the din of shattering stone and rumbling rocks.

One of those voices belonged to _Mother_.

(Was it her imagination, or did the shaking get _worse_?)

"I need you to cry." Wei Pi instructed, one soft hand gripping Tophs suddenly.

She scowled with all her might and turned her head to where she _thought_ Wei Pi's head would be.

"Why in the heck would I _cry_?! _I'm not a baby!_" Resistant demand and affirmation all at once, her own feet digging slightly into the stone she could reach. Her vision got marginally better. Toph was _nine_ for crying out loud. _Nine_, and a _great bender_, and if she cried _now_, no one would _ever_ believe that _second point_. Great Benders didn't _cry_.

(The Earth began to calm just slightly, the thick rolling beneath her feet slowly starting to settle in creaking waves.)

"You _will_ start crying because you want your mother to focus on _your tears_. I'm sorry, Miss Bei Fong." Toph was caught off guard by the apology, but she felt it was well deserved enough that she repressed what had been on the tip of her tongue. "I had _no idea_ you were an Earth Bender. I promise I will _remedy_ this mistake, but right now, you must _start crying_ for me to do that."

There was such _certainty_ to that voice, such _firm assurance_, that Toph took a moment to consider her options. Cry and get labeled as the _helpless blind baby_, or _don't cry_ -because there hadn't been anything scary about what just happened- and see what Nanny Pi did, _but_ ... 

(Wei Pi was a _bender_. She was a _female bender_ who'd clearly been _properly trained_, and she was _good_. Toph hadn't even been able to catch the subtle way the woman moved -it was like it happened _all at once_. If Toph played her cards right, maybe she could get some _real instruction_ for once -not _just_ the things she gleaned from watching _overtly muscled guys_ hit each other with rocks, or the things she _mimicked_ when she spied on the guards who bent during their _breaks_. It didn't hurt that Wei Pi had _apologized_. No adults _ever_ apologized to her for making mistakes.)

It was weirdly easy to summon up big fat tears, crying loudly, turning it into great big, _panicked sobs_. If her being a _great bender_ never worked out, maybe she'd run away and join a theater troupe.

"_Beautiful_, Miss Bei Fong."

(It was harder to keep the tears going when she wanted to focus on the approval in those words. That the words were linked to an act of deception and _not_ something so _barf-inducingly-lady-like-she_-_squirmed_ made them _that much better_.)

"Toph? Toph!" Mother called now, and at Wei Pi's subtle tap on her hand, she increased her volume. Toph could _'see'_ her mother now, a big mass of something that drew steadily closer, surrounded by other masses that all clomped around the stone wreckage wonderfully.

"Start apologizing _loudly_." Wei Pi whispered, carefully arranging herself so that she was crouching in front of Toph and _patting_ at her head. Toph complied with a mild amount of confusion, and her mother's voice became more _frantic_. By the time she reached them, her Mother sounded _hysterical, _and Father's voice had joined in, sounding about as disapproving as it _always_ did. 

(They rushed into the room like they expected to have to _save_ her. It was annoying, but she'd agreed to ham it up, so she kept sobbing until her Mother was taking Wei Pi's place. The Nanny moved aside, but didn't go far.)

"What happened?" Lao Bei Fong shouted. 

Things got ... interesting then.

"I shall answer you _if_ you answer me _this_, Lord Bei Fong. _When_ did you plan on telling me that my charge was an _Earthbender?_" The Nanny's firm, no-nonsense voice had gotten firmer, and a stunned silence followed. Her father started floundering, and she could practically hear him working himself up to his _'I answer to no one I am a Bei Fong,'_ speech.

"Do you have any _idea_ what happens to young Earthbenders that do not often walk the ground?" Toph wasn't the only one mildly confused by this point, so she let her sobs grow subtly quieter, still apologizing softly and carefully leaning into her Mother's touch. 

(A little closer but _not too much_. Mother never liked getting rumpled, not even for hugs.)

"_What_ are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything! Of course she walks _on the ground!_" Her father snipped, and Wei Pi sighed in an _entirely disapproving way_. She'd sighed like that at every one of Toph's _stupid knots_.

"No, Lord Bei Fong. She walks around your _home_. You gave me explicit orders not to take Toph _outside_ -and had you thought to tell me she was an _Earthbender_, I would have _argued that decision._" Toph had never heard _anyone_ talk back to her Father. She wondered who this woman _really_ was, because she wasn't what Toph had thought _anymore_. "Young Earthbenders that _don't_ walk in nature, feeling the dirt and stone between their toes, grow _ill_ Lord Bei Fong. They need to be connected to Dabogong's domain -much like Waterbenders need to be around _water_, and Firebenders need the _sun_. When they don't find that connection, they _lose control with their declining health._"

There was a heavier silence now, her Mother's hand frozen on her face. 

"Are you trying to tell me," her Mother said slowly, "that _Toph_ was responsible for that Earthquake?" Mother's soft hands were suddenly cupping Toph's cheeks, but the soft gesture was _lost_ on Toph, due to the _sheer disbelief_ in her voice. Like Toph _couldn't possibly_ be responsible for anything _so grand_. Toph _vindictively_ saw her moment to shine without being prompted.

"_I'm sorry_. _I'm sorry Mother_. I didn't mean to _break it!_" She cried again, willing some more fat baby tears to appear. "I was just _so tired,_ and Nanny Pi said I had to make _more_ knots because you wanted to weave _hope-bracelets_ for _Lord Dabogong's Remembrance_, but I was _so tired_ and _I didn't mean to!_"

(Beneath, far beneath, where that something had settled to rest, she could feel what other people would call tremors, but what she could only equate to laughter. Dabogong hadn't expected this particular outcome, but he was enjoying the show well enough. This one time, he would forgive his Faveortie's _foolish parents_.)

She let herself _cry some more_, and then Nanny Pi was sighing. 

"Miss Bei Fong lashed out without _realizing_, Lord and Lady Bei Fong. She broke a stabilizing line underneath the estate -I felt it crack. Lord Bei Fong, you hired me because my _record_ and _recommendations_ were substantial. I accepted because I had been looking for something quiet in the country. Please take my advice as serious as you took my _resume_. Your daughter needs time outdoors, to connect with her _element_, or she will only get _sicker_."

Toph _hiccuped_ on cue and rubbed at her eyes. 

(Her father had _Master Yu_ come in to verify Wei Pi's claims. Apparently, the town below had experienced minor quakes, and Master Yu was all too happy to investigate the '_breakage_,' that Toph had caused. They did find a broken stabilizing line, apparently. Along with a complicated, beautiful lattice of repair that Wei Pi had managed to form through it. Nanny Pi's claims about Earthbenders needing to be in nature were verified as well. Toph and Nanny Pi were then allotted three hours in the expansive estate gardens as a result. It was one of the most effective manipulations Toph had ever seen. Wei Pi wasn't so bad after all that -_especially_ since Toph was one step closer to ditching her company and getting back on _routine_.)

* * *

Wei Pi was _much cooler_ than Toph had originally let herself believe. Jin Wei Pi had been one of the _first_ twelve women in recent history allowed into the Earth Kingdom army. She'd gone in for the standard four-year service, guarding the provinces around Ba Sing Se, then stayed in for four _more_ years, helping to train the young recruits coming in. She'd learned Earthbending from her father, who'd been in the army his whole life, and now, three years after discharging and switching over to her _Mother's_ line of work, she was one of the most sought after Nanny's because of her diversified background. 

(Toph had trouble believing her father wanted Nanny Pi for anything but _status_. She'd apparently been serving a wealthy-but-not-Bei-Fong-Wealthy Earth Kingdom woman before she came to the Bei Fong's, and taken part in both _protecting_ and _rescuing_ her charge multiple times. This last point only served to convince Toph that Nanny Pi's position was a shifty one, probably only loosely defined in her father's mind as _'that woman I pay to babysit my daughter and keep her from stubbing her toes.'_ )

Now, Toph stood in an isolated part of their garden, trying to quietly work on the stances Nanny Pi had been teaching her. They'd ditched the guards almost as soon as they got outside, so too much noise wouldn't be ideal.

(That Nanny Pi was the one to suggest ditching the guards that very first day, and not _Toph_, had thrown her for a loop. Their first lesson had subtly smashed all of the things Toph thought she knew about Earthbending. Toph had managed to prove she at least didn't need the basics, and Wei Pi had been all too pleased to show her her first set of moves. Toph had come to understand that Wei Pi didn't have the same connection to the Earth that she did, but that meant nothing when they spared.)

Toph finished her slow turn, sliding her feet -not stomping just yet- the way Nanny Pi had suggested, and she could feel the ripple in her 'vision' as a result, like something fluttering in her mind. She'd gotten better at 'seeing,' since Nanny Pi started teaching her. She could feel the exact heights of people, and which body mass was male or female. Faces were never going to make sense to her, but she didn't need to 'see' faces. She was learning that _body language_ was much more important.

(Toph was worried that soon, the shiny and new glare would fade for her parents, and they would get rid of the _only_ cool Nanny Toph had _ever_ had.)

"_Very good_, Miss Bei Fong." Nanny Pi called softly from where she'd been setting something up nearby. Toph could just make out the feel of clay of the soft vibration of something not Earth being opened and shut repeatedly. "Now, come eat. If I'm right, the guards will have caught up by now." 

(She was right. Toph could _feel_ the harsh stomp of their feet approaching. That didn't mean she _liked_ having her lesson cut short.)

Toph -_begrudgingly_\- trotted over, adjusting her _hanfu_ so that it fell right. Nanny Pi finished adjusting it before she sat down. 

"I don't get why I need _guards_. This is _Bei Fong land_." Toph grumbled, accepting what felt like a sweet-bean dumpling. Toph _loved_ sweet-bean dumplings. 

"More pity to the fool who _does_ try something, then." Nanny Pi responded softly, and Toph didn't have time to ask what that meant before the guards showed up. She'd forgotten about it completely by the time they had packed up and headed back to the house. 

* * *

She told Nanny Pi about Earth Rummble VI. Toph wasn't much of a beggar, but she _begged_ to go see a match. It had been a _month_ since the last time she saw one! So many _things_ could have changed! She managed to tell Nanny Pi all about the _extensive history_ that she'd gleaned between some of the fighters, and what she liked _best_ about certain ones, all between letting the Nanny talk her into getting ready for bed and the moment where Nanny Pi was finishing their routine by braiding her hair. 

(Nanny was _quiet_ through the whole spiel. She didn't _interrupt_ or tell Toph to _calm down_. She just _listened_. Toph never knew how much she would like that in an adult until one was doing it. Nanny had been reading all kinds of things to her during their '_inside_,' lessons, things about the _trading market_ and _history_, _science_ and_ maths_ -Toph hated math, because it was kind of abstract to her- and sometimes she just read stories. Toph thought their relationship might be called a _mutually symbiotic relationship_. Toph got the benefit of someone to listen to her, and Nanny Pi got paid for it.)

(Maybe she was thinking of something else.)

By the time Toph was out of words, she was sitting legs folded askew on her bed, waiting for Nanny Pi's dexterous fingers to finish braiding her hair. The woman finally spoke, hesitantly, but clearly _amused_. 

"How _exactly_ have you been going to this ... Earth Rummble VI?" Which wasn't a 'no.' Toph could _work_ with that. 

She scrambled off the bed as soon as Nanny Pi released her hair, carefully making her way to her hiding spot. There, she managed to quietly bend the floor until her hidey-hole was visible. She pulled out the heavy robe she wore to the Rummble, then pointed down meaningfully. 

"I put _this_ on and then _tunnel_ my way out. I left most of the tunnel there so no one would hear me doing it all the time," She announced proudly, shifting to slip her arms through the familiar robe. She could smell the faint _sweat_ and _dirt_ stink of Earth Rummble on it. "_t__he opening is right here._" She might have possibly sung the words mischievously, because Nanny Pi was trying to be stern and tense, but _failing_. 

"I see, and how do you know it's _tonight_, dare I ask?" Toph beamed in Nanny Pi's direction. That was all the answer the woman really needed, as she'd become accustomed to the young girls already daring personality. The wild child had probably been sneaking around during her lunch period. Again. 

(She'd thought it had been unusually quiet in the house, but she'd been so preoccupied with finishing the day's report that she hadn't given it much more thought. Her mistake. She might need to consider a _bell_. Her luck, the bell would end up on one of the guards.)

"Never mind, don't tell me. What I don't know can't be used against me." she chided softly, but it was much softer than she probably should have allowed. "Well, I suppose this would be a good opportunity for me to learn the ...how does the saying go? Learn the local color? My mother used to say something like that." 

Toph was bouncing in place even before she finished, and Nanny Pi shook her head slowly. Three years as a Nanny, and she'd never met a more _rambunctious_ child. Nor had she ever come across one that needed a friend quite so badly, yet still managed to be a _force of nature_ all her own. Dabogong must have grand plans indeed for this girl.

(She was blessed to know the girl now, _before_ she was a legend. When she was old and grey, and _Toph Bei Fong_ had inevitably made her mark on history, she would _proudly_ say she knew her. It just made the girls' parents all the more confusing. How were they so _ignorant_ of the gift they had? That wasn't to say they didn't _love_ Toph _in their own ways_ -just that they didn't _show it well_.) 

"So we can _go_, right?" Toph verified, and Wei Pi sighed again, if only to hide her quiet laughter. 

"Let me change _first_, Miss Bei Fong."

(Maybe that was why she was willing to break _so many rules_. She knew she _shouldn't_ be doing this -going along with the girls' desires just to see her flash that confident smile. But if Wei Pi didn't, _who would?_ Children needed to break the rules from time to time. Toph needed to break them even more, because she was disabled and fighting to prove that it _didn't define her_. Wei Pi only hoped she was doing the right thing for _Toph_.)

* * *

Earth Rummble VI was definitely a mistake. It was no wonder Toph had been so undisciplined, if these men were her only example for bending forms. She now understood the girls' _showman_ tendencies too. Everything was about _wooing_ the audience with her, but it was ... well, Jin would be lying if she said it wasn't _endearing_ to have Toph tilt her head at her _hopefully_. The child was desperate for praise, for someone else to verify that she was _good_.

(It _also_ explained much of the issues Wei Pi was having to train out of the girls' bending _tendencies,_ like just stomping the Earth into breaking and bending, rather than inviting it to play. Breaking and smashing was all well and good, but the best benders could dance with the Earth simply by sliding their feet into and over its skin.)

"That is not the proper form for Charging Hippo-Bull." She said blandly, watching as a large man aptly named The Big Bad Hippo tore a chunk of Earth from under his feet and ran headfirst at his opponent. They were sitting far enough from other patrons that she felt safe in confiding this to her companion. Toph shifted next to her, and she didn't need to look to know she had her charges attention. "_Feel_ the way he's planting his feet. It's all _off_, overcompensating for _blows he hasn't landed yet_, and _hits he hasn't taken_."

Toph tilted her head again, going still in a way that Jin had come to recognize. It was her 'seeing,' stillness, using her feet dug into the Earth to really narrow her focus. She'd told Jin when they reached the seating area and the girl had insisted on sitting on the fifth ledge from the bottom that she tended to _'stretch her feet'_ to encompass the entire stage -whatever that meant- so she only understood the fight abstractly. The opponents were two masses fighting, and she only knew the difference _now_ because she'd come so often.

(There were moments she'd wanted to shake all her predecessors, _and_ the girls' parents. What had any of those _women_ been thinking? Toph hadn't expected Jin to read to her, or teach her math. She hadn't expected to learn anything but what her father's trading had accomplished that week, and what she was expected to know just in case someone important came to the house and was allowed to speak to her. She'd been -_distantly_\- aware of how market structures worked, and hungry for _real_ information. She'd also been essentially _ignored_ to the extent that _no one noticed_ her sneaking out to a pit full of violent adults.)

"I think I see what you're talking about," Toph said now, her little brow furrowed in concentration. "He's off-balance, because he's overcompensating his weight and steps." An accurate, quick summary. Jin smiled, settling back down to watch the fight.

"Yes, very good." Toph really was a quick study. In the end, Hippo's overcompensation had him tossed out of the ring rather effectively, and then they hit intermission. 

"So we're down to The Gopher and The Gecko as the last match, with the winner fighting the Champ?" Toph asked softly as they shuffled towards a dumpling cart. 

"Yes. From what I've seen so far, The Gopher is likely to win." She responded lightly, settling them in line and placing her hands on Toph's shoulders. Toph shifted towards her, tilting her head up and to the side.

"Can we join the betting pool?" She asked with a flash of a smile. 

Jin was positive there was a rule somewhere about not encouraging dangerous habits, like gambling, in one's charges. She wasn't sure the person that probably made that rule had ever met a child like Toph. She once again ignored that tiny voice that told her she was bending one too many rules. They bet on The Gopher -it was unanimous, then sat just below where the bookie had settled, since neither of them had any idea who the Champ was. 

(He'd been named the champ that first week Toph started missing the matches. He'd held the title for the last two tournaments. Toph had no idea who it could be, since all the people she was familiar with had either already lost or already won. Xin Fu hadn't yet used the Champ's stage name at all.)

Predictably, The Gopher won -The Gecko was quick, but he'd been injured in his last round, and it put him at a disadvantage- and Toph was bouncing in her seat when the Champ was to be announced. When the big, muscly man dubbed _The Boulder_ Paraded around in his shiny belt, Jin was the only one in the wooing crowd that happened to hear Toph cackling, like the greatest joke ever had been told.

(She found out later that this particular man had tried his hand in the Rumble months before and failed spectacularly, and that he'd been much less muscle-bound then. The young girl thought it was hilarious that he'd come back and managed to win the belt, because he still felt the same to her. Like a little pebble, bouncing around the surface of the ring.)

Jin was appalled at his stances, because how did anyone mess up the Digging Boar-q-pine? Did he think that just tossing boulders would be an effective form of attack for anyone? She ranted about this quietly to Toph, and the young girl laughed through most of it. In the end, they bet on The Gopher out of spite, and were a little surprised when the exhausted fighter won. 

(Though really, what had the man been thinking, using the bases of Flowing Fox Bear for such wild moves? _Of course_ The Gopher won! His 'signature' attacks had _solid bases!_) 

"Can we come for the next match?" Toph asked as they reached the tunnel the girl used to get back home. Jin almost said no. Almost. 

This was the _most_ animated she'd seen the girl. Even during their lessons, there was a part of her that was reserved, and distinctly mature. Earth Rummble VI, for whatever reason, had brought her inner child out, and it was so good to see Toph smiling. She didn't smile as much at home, or she tried not to. 

"Yes. As long as it's doable, yes." Jin answered. Ultimately, her mission _wasn't_ what would make the _Bei Fong's _happy. It was what would make _Toph_ happy. 

(Toph was happiest when she wasn't stuck inside her families estate, wasting away behind their walls, unknown to the town at large. She was happiest when she was in the world and living. Breaking a few rules didn't seem like such a big deal, to give the girl that.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay, okay. It's done. It .... wow it took a while. Not sure I got everything in there that I intended, but I like what I did get. I'm sorry it took a while. I had finals prep, and then finals, and then naturally I got sick twice, because why not? BUT. I am better now, and hopefully will be working on this and Azula's story.


	3. Different kinds of mothering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've spent the last three days struggling to write, and I don't know if it's the stress of the holidays or having been sick on and off again the last couple weeks. Whatever it is, I want to be over it.  
As usual, until the Chapter Status below says complete, it's a work in progress.  
Update: Finally done! The fact that it took some grungy music and no internet access to achieve this shouldn't be surprising.
> 
> Chapter status: 100% Complete

"I'm sorry, a Badger Mole _mother_?" Nanny Pi's voice had some incredulity to it. 

Toph smirked in her direction from where she sat, carefully digging her fingers into stone like it was dirt. Today had been a somewhat lazy day in terms of bending practice. This was mostly due to Toph's own, quiet nervous energy.

"Yeah! She taught me all the basics, showed me how _she_ saw the world." Nanny Pi was quiet for a few moments, the soft shuffle of the etiquette scroll she'd been reading to Toph the only sound. 

"That certainly _explains_ some things." The nanny finally muttered, and Toph could hear the woman's amusement.

Nanny Pi shifted again where she sat, a blurry shape in Toph's mind that fluttered over the Earth while being a part of it. The next time she spoke, Toph felt like she was getting another one of those _looks_, the ones that only made sense to _sighted_ people. 

"Was that the only time you ran away?" Nanny Pi asked quietly, her tone all weird and meaningful without ever explaining _why_ it was meaningful. 

(She notably didn't ask why Toph was enthusiastic when she spoke of her Badger Mole mother, and exasperated when her human mother was brought up. Adults whose lives were _dedicated_ to rearing children didn't need answers to _obvious questions. _She'd also spent enough time in the Bei Fong household to know why Toph might be exasperated by her somewhat _flighty, overprotective _mother.)

"So far? I think so. Does running off in the middle of the night count as running away? _Especially_ if you come back?" Toph answered absently, smoothing down the dust in front of her and concentrating hard on making it reform as a solid mass. 

(This took substantially more effort than breaking it up, and was helped in no small part by the fuzzy understanding she had of science. Technically, it _probably_ shouldn't be possible. Dabogong didn't care for technicalities anymore than his Favorite did.)

"I'm going to say no, but it's a _hesitant no_." Wei Pi said slowly, and Toph laughed at her softly, the gentlest kind of cackle.

They settled into a companionable silence, and it was the only kind of silence around an adult that Toph _enjoyed_. Nanny Pi never left anything hanging, or stifled. Her silences weren't _repressed_ with things she wanted to say, but didn't dare, like Poppy Bei Fong's were. Silence with Nanny Pi was like _meditation_. Eventually, the earth was smooth under her fingers, and she made her way over to where Wei Pi sat. The older woman readjusted Toph's Hanfu absently, shuffling away the scrolls she hadn't read from, likely in preparation to go look for the guards -who had given up trying to keep track of them at this point. (It took weeks longer than Toph thought it might for this to happen.) Toph let the silence sit for a few more minutes, then spoke, finally nailing down her courage.

"_I'm going to enter into Earth Rummble VI as a contestant on my birthday._"

The words were a little rushed, a lot forced, and Toph froze after saying them, clenching her jaw when she felt like shuffling nervously. She'd said the words like she'd been dying to say them for forever, like she'd needed to shove them into the world. (She had. Saying them, _admitting_ to them, had been hard.) Facial nuances were _entirely lost_ on Toph, but you didn't need to see someone's expression to know when they were trying to process something and _weren't sure how to take it_. Wei Pi still did better than her parents in this regard, because before the girl's heart could start sinking and she could say _'just kidding'_ Nanny Pi sighed and spoke carefully, almost _resigned_.

"Just remember that sometimes _simplicity_ is better than _showmanship_."

For a stunned few minutes, Toph didn't say anything, then she cracked a grin at the _best_. _Nanny_. _Ever_. Nanny Pi made one of her reprimanding, stern sounds.

"I'm _serious_ Toph. Fighting in one of those things isn't going to be like sparing with me. Just do what you need to in order to win, and do it _simply_." When Toph did nothing more than cackle softly at her, something interesting happened. "Toph." Nanny Pi said firmly. That interesting little _thump_ _thump thump_ Toph had noticed got _quicker_. "_Toph, I'm serious._" 

"Yeah, sure." She agreed absently, digging her hands into the dirt and tilting her head to _'listen.'_ That curious little thump was even louder, but also weirdly calm, like it couldn't decide if it wanted to be a Rabbit Fox or a Buffalo Elk. 

"_Toph Bei Fong_, you will promise me to be careful about this." The stress in Nanny Pi's voice is what finally gave away what Top was sensing.

"_I can feel your heart beating!_" She declared with a wide smile. 

(She didn't know it, but that smile would soon become trademark. It was uniquely _Toph's_, all mischief and smug satisfaction, as if she were in on a secret joke. It was also the only expression she knew that would instantaneously make her usually cool, collected Nanny nervous as all hell.)

* * *

They ended up making a game out of the heart-beat thing. Naturally, the idea for the game came about during a lesson on etiquette, when she probably should have been paying attention, but wasn't. It all started with a wayward comment, thrown out because she knew Nanny Pi wouldn't scold her for her opinions.

"I'm _never_ going to be allowed to use these bits of knowledge,_ why is this important?_" Toph groaned, flopping back in an entirely _unladylike_ way that would have had her mother scowling and chirping, and _fretting_.

Nanny Pi just sighed from where she sat a few feet away, in the study room they _both_ preferred -good, _solid stone_ and in a more secluded corner of the house- and she _didn't_ tell Toph to sit up properly. Toph dug her hands into the stone a little bit, and shamelessly planted her feet flat to keep a clear 'view' of the room. She liked that this made Nanny Pi chuckle softly, though she was trying to hide it when she spoke.

"Toph, these lessons are a benefit to your station." She said slowly, though not as adamantly as she did for most things, and it was only because Toph was tuned into her that she noticed a small _hiccup_. "One day, I'm sure, they'll be a very great use to you." Toph frowned and lulled her head towards Nanny Pi -which again made the woman chuckle almost too soft to hear- and she frowned even more.

"I don't think you really believe that." She said carefully, curiously tuning into the woman's heart-beat. 

"Of course I do. These lessons have helped _countless_ young woman in _high society_ through the ages." Toph was really frowning now, keeping a careful eye on the steady, if slightly bumpy, _thump thump thump_ of Wei Pi's heart. 

"_Right_," the girl said slowly, focusing a mental fingertip to the faint rap of her Nanny's heart, "because knowing how to flutter and be bashful at my _countless drove_s of devout suitors is _extremely important_."

A brief silence, in which Wei Pi formulated a reply. Which was good, since it gave Toph a baseline to test things against.

"While it's true that most etiquette lessons are geared towards _looking_ like an appropriate match," Nanny Pi said slowly, heartbeat pliant and smooth, "that is not all that's meant to be learned from them. They also teach patience and poise, formality and structure" it was almost frustrating how calm Wei Pi was sometimes, "and ... _They're important_." 

(Finally, there was a small hitch in the woman's heartbeat. It was the smallest of stutters, but it was exactly what Toph needed to fuel to her distraction.)

"Yeah, sure. Super important -I need you to lie to me." There was another silence here, and Toph smiled in Wei Pi's direction. The contemplative silence only increased in intensity, but finally, there was a distinct shuffle of paper being set aside, and Toph felt the way Wei Pi's balance shifted over the stone.

"My favorite tea is ginger-berry." There was a lot of exasperated amusement in that tone, and only a small bump in the woman's heartbeat. Toph shook her head slowly, frowning.

"Make it a _better_ lie. Like, the _biggest_, most _horribly-not-true-ever_ lie you can think of," she emphasized her point with a wild arm wave for good measure, then quickly returned her hands to their previous position. Another short, contemplative silence, and then Wei Pi shifted in a familiar way, and Toph could hear the soft crackle pop of her shoulders cracking with released tension.

(She did this a lot while she was thinking, shifting and moving, making her body resettle the same way she occasionally made the Earth resettle around her. Toph always found it fascinating to hear, had accidentally picked up the habit, but found that it _did_ help.)

"You're a _delicate_, _helpless little flower_ that needs to be _protected_." The words were shot into the world with conviction, and Toph flinched -and so did Nanny Pi's pulse, stuttering wildly, as if was surprised by what it's own body just said. She hated the words on principle, but if her theory was right ...

"_More_." She said it soft, insistent, and this time, there was no hesitation, but a lot of _confusion_.

"Hm ... You're ... a _very basic_ Earthbender _at best?_" This was said with less conviction, but her heart still did a funny little dance. 

(Toph was trying to process what it might mean that she'd asked for the _biggest_, most _untruthful_ thing Wei Pi could think of, and her first thought had been to parrot what the adult Bei Fong's said practically every morning at breakfast.)

When Toph didn't reply right away, Nanny Pi's heart went from doing a funny dance to outright bouncing at Toph's fingertips.

"Toph?" A soft voice tinged with worry, and Toph had to shove all her personal revelations down in favor of smiling at the older woman in the way she hated. 

"What would you say if I told you I _might_ be able to tell when people are _lying?_" 

Another short silence, this one punctuated by a slowly stilling heartbeat in her mind. 

"Dammit." The Nanny hissed. A few minutes later, she threw out all the etiquette scrolls, tossing them roughly into a chest she apparently had no intention of opening again. Toph laughed the entire time, the back of her mind buzzing with the truth hidden in Wei Pi's lies.

(That night, she pulled the lies out and examined them from every angle, _awed_ and _angry_ and _happy_ and _sad_. Wei Pi thought she was _tough_, and that she could _take care of herself_. Wei Pi thought she didn't _need_ to be protected. Wei Pi thought she was a _great bender._ These little truths, found when you pulled apart the lies, made Toph's heart hurt in a way that she hadn't known it could. It hurt because she was _happy_ that someone other than herself thought these things. She was _sad_ and _angry_ because it hadn't -and probably _couldn't_\- come from her parents.)

* * *

Her _parents'_ idea of celebrating her birthday was inviting Master Yu and a couple of her Uncles -plus stupid Aunt Weng- for a feast. Toph _hated_ all of these additions -her uncles spoke about _stupid_ trade laws and how much _money_ they were making in their province, and Aunt Weng _tutted_ and _pitied_ and _simpered_ about how Toph would really be _quiet lucky_ if they could find her a decent match with her _disability_. Like Toph cared about finding a decent match.

She was ten -_finally ten!_\- and _ew-gross-romantic-relationships_ were an almost entirely abstract concept to her. What did she care for _boys_? She didn't even know any boys! She didn't know any _girls_ either, for that matter. Neither of her Uncles had settled down yet, and Toph had heard Mother once say that Aunt Weng would be a _perpetual spinster_ because she wasn't _pretty enough_. 

This comment didn't make any more sense to her, because pretty was something that only the _sighted_ seemed concerned with. Toph understood the _word_ pretty, but to her, it applied to people's _personalities_. She managed to convey all of this to Nanny Pi while she was being dressed up -_begrudgingly!_\- for the feast. Nanny Pi listened to her vent quietly, a soft amusement in every brush of her fingers through Toph's hair, the way she adjusted and picked at Toph's clothing more busywork than _real work_.

"I think _your_ personality is pretty," Toph announced, tilting her head at her Nanny. 

Jin paused in her stalling, blinking at Toph in stunned surprise. The girl was smiling at her almost _gently_, an unusual look for the usually _devious_ child, and Jin felt warmed. Toph kept surprising her with new _facets_ to her personality. She was exactly like a rare gem in that regard -and many others. Just when she thought she understood her charge, the _adorable little menace_ would drop another wall, and Jin would be floored all over again. 

(Her mother had _warned_ her, when she'd switched professions, that this business was harder than defending villagers from walls of flame or armored men burning with hatred. Because once you came to love the children you helped raise, eventually parting from them was a whole new level of pain. Jin hadn't run into this problem with her previous stations -her charges there had been delightful in their own ways, but nothing like _here_. Jin was very much afraid that what she felt for Toph was much more akin to _motherly affection_ than the safe affections of a _Nanny_. Having her usually gruff charge turn to her slightly and smilingly declare that she was pretty in Toph's eyes ... it cemented this fear.)

She managed to find her words enough to settle down in front of Toph. 

"_Thank you_, Toph. You're very pretty too," she whispered, smoothing a hand over the girl's cheek, "_in every way_."

Toph shifted slightly, looking both pleasantly confused and uncomfortable.

"How long do I have to stay at the stupid feast?" She asked quietly, and from the shadow flickering over her face, Wei Pi felt there was a deeper reason to the question than most children's' horrified boredom at hanging out with _old people_. She thought about it for a stretched moment, adjusting the emeraldphire-sash that was draped over slim shoulders.

"Has your mother seen you yet today?" A short shake of the head -unsurprising, since Poppy Bei Fong had been consumed with the feast preparations, "you remember that tea you had to drink a couple of weeks ago?" a nod this time, the girls' expression morphing into a grimace of distaste, "_Excellent_. I want you to keep thinking about that tea, but immediately after, I need you to try and smile. We'll see if we can get out of this celebration early."

She got a real smile from that, bright and mischievous, and the whispered words that followed it rang in Wei Pi's mind the rest of the night. 

"_Best. Adult. Ever._"

......

"Sick? On today of all days? How?!" Poppy exclaimed quietly, and Wei Pi made sure to dip her head in the way she'd found most employers found demure. 

"It may have been something she ate. I asked and she said the only thing she's eaten was the _mushy fish_ this morning." It's possible that with the rush to prepare, someone made a mistake in the kitchens-"

Poppy held up a hand, eyeing her daughter where the girl sat, a little slumped despite her Aunts hissed insistence that she straighten. True to her instructions, Toph would grimace occasionally, then quickly try to smile, though it looked pained. She was the perfect image of a young lady in pain, trying to maintain her composure.

(There was a brush of dirt at her feet, bare under her too-long robes because she'd been trained in oldfashioned Earthbending, and covered feet were highly _impractical_. There was an old and distant stretch against her senses, there and gone. It was a struggle to maintain her own composure when she felt as if she'd just been brushed with _amused affection_ by the Earth itself.)

"How long do you think until she'll need to retire?" 

Wei Pi dipped her head a little further to hide the small, triumphant smirk.

......

"Really, Toph. Must you look so _unhappy_?" Aunt Weng asked quietly, and Wei Pi stiffened at Toph's other side. 

"_I'm sorry_, Auntie." She murmured in exactly the way she'd learned most people felt uncomfortable with.

There was, apparently, something about that tone of voice and the 'look' on her face when she used it that made other people intolerable. Aunt Weng shifted next to her in the way Toph wanted, and she thought of that stupid, gross tea their physician had made her drink with the change of weather. She smiled right after her features twisted, made a good show of trying to straighten. It was at that moment she got a flash of _brilliance_, and had to struggle to keep the muscles of her face twisted in pain. 

......

She waited until the first meal was served, having had to sit through the _strangest_ conversation between her Father -who has probably being a little _heavy-handed_ on the wine, if his swaying was anything to go by- one of the Uncles, and Nanny Pi. Nanny Pi's heartbeat had been ...not _erratic_, but she'd been clearly distressed, even if she didn't show it in her voice.

(Or, presumably, on her face, if the way the conversation _kept on going_ was any indication. There was a rumble under her feet, far below, as if some force did understand and was just as uncomfortable as Nanny Pi was.)

Toph wasn't really able to follow the gist of the discussion, because they kept using emphasis on the strangest words -and for that matter, using words that made no sense in an otherwise followable conversation about the Earth Kingdoms military structure and rules. When they announced the first course, Toph didn't miss the way Wei Pi practically jumped at carefully leading Toph to the table, and seating them with Poppy between Toph and her father, and Aunt Weng directly on Toph's other side. Nanny Pi stood behind Toph's chair, and refused all attempts to get her to the table.

(This tension was like fate, because it made Toph's stroke of genius _perfect_.) 

She waited until they'd given praise to Dabogong, until she'd allowed her Mother to convince her to take a bite of what might have been excellent miso-garlic soup. It was a pitty Toph wouldn't be able to appreciate it in full. She sat back and played with her utensil, slowly shaking her head when prompted to eat, waiting ... when Aunt Weng turned to her, clearly intending to help, Toph took a deep breath.

(This wasn't the first time she'd pretended illness to get out of something, but it would be the first time she had an accomplice to help so well. She had the perfect memory for these instances, of _sweet-heavy-to-thick_ perfume and her grandmother's sloppy, disgusting kisses, coming out of nowhere when her world had still been _darkness_. It was her worst memory, one that never failed to make her truly sick. Being attacked with affection by someone you didn't know, couldn't wiggle away form, had been horrible.)

She puked on Aunt Weng. It was _beautiful revenge_.

.......

"Was the _sobbing_ afterward too much?" Toph asked quietly, lifting her chin helpfully to let Nanny Pi scrub at her neck.

"The responsible adult in me wants to say yes." Wei Pi whispered back, the cloth she'd been using hitting the floor with a mushy plop.

"And the _irresponsible-much-more-fun_ Nanny Pi?" Toph asked in an equally hushed tone, her toes wiggling into the Earth to locate her mother, pacing back and forth in the next room.

"She thinks you should have gone for a couple of your uncles while we left the room." Wry amusement in every word. Toph regretted that she didn't think of it sooner.

......

There was a _wooden box _under her bed. Toph knew it hadn't been there when she'd been drug into one of Mother's side rooms to get ready hours ago. Ignoring it to pretend sickness and let Wei Pi settle her into bed was _so hard_, especially when she stopped being able to _see_ things. She hated sleeping on her stupid bed -it was why she'd built a secret little cubby underneath it. Mother had followed them in, presumably to make sure Toph actually went to bed, but she hovered by the foot of it while Nanny Pi settled blankets over Toph's shoulders. 

(She knew it was Nanny Pi because Mother smelled like Lotus-Lillies and Mikans still, the scent soft but _cloying_. Nanny smelled like spicy ginger and valley flowers. It was spicy ginger and valley above her now, carefully tucking her in, and settling a clay pot within easy reach. Toph knew she set a pot within easy reach because rough-sturdy-small hands lead her free hand to it carefully.)

"I hope you won't take my husband's words today too close to heart, Miss Wei Pi." Mother said softly, and Toph knew she was fidgeting because she could hear her jewelry clinking.

Nanny Pi still above her, thinking, then drew back. Toph missed whatever gesture she must have made, but her tone was very careful. 

"I will not, Lady Bei Fong ... and if you'll forgive me for being so bold, you shouldn't take them too close to heart either." there was an awkward silence, and then her Mother was suddenly leaning over her, soothing a careful hand over Toph's forehead. 

(But only briefly. She never touched Toph too long, like she was afraid of breaking her. Or messing herself up. It was sometimes hard to determine which of two it was.) 

"I'm sorry you're sick, dear. Hopefully, you'll feel better tomorrow, and we can have some cake, and open your presents." She placed a surprisingly tender kiss on Toph's forehead, and Toph struggled to keep her eyes closed. "_Hopefully_ by then, your Aunt Weng will be _gone_." Her mother whispered softly, lips twisting up against Toph's cheek before she was bustling back out the doors. A short silence followed her, and then Toph sat up slowly. 

"What did she mean about my dad saying something to you?" She asked quietly, scooting carefully towards the edge of the bed. 

Wei Pi's voice sounded distant, and a little _weird_ when she replied.

"Oh, he was being a sexist prude is all," slow words, like she was trying to find the right ones to answer with, "_most men_ are when they learn of my previous profession, though I'll give Lord Bei Fong credit where it's due. It took being _very_ drunk and _goaded on_ by your uncles before he said anything." She must have seen Toph frowning, because suddenly there was a finger tapping her nose gently.

"None of that Toph. I don't_ like it_, but until _women_ in the military becomes just as common as _men_ in the military, I have to take small victories. The fact that your father has treated with respect up to this point is a _miracle_ for his station and gender." Before she could argue, Wei Pi shifted in front of her and began riffling around under the bed. When she emerged, she placed the wood box in Toph's lap, and the girl was distracted.

She had to scramble fully off the bed and onto the floor, fleet planted where she crouched, a small bubbling of excitement overtaking her previous concern. 

(This didn't mean she'd forgotten, only that she'd been effectively diverted from the very adult problem she wanted to help fix.)

She carefully lifted the lid and reached in blind -_ha! Was it wrong to laugh at her own blind jokes?_\- only to be disappointed when she pulled out bundles of fabric. Some further investigation was required, and other than some nifty clay beads carefully woven into a couple of seams and along what was probably a collar, there was no secondary surprise presents. 

"You got me ... clothes." She made sure the disbelief was heavy in her tone.

She was very disappointed that Wei Pi would pull such a _Mother_ tactic on her. Mother _loved_ new clothes and dressing Toph up on her birthdays -for all of a couple of hours, when she eventually remembered that Toph _wasn't_ having as much fun as her because it all _felt the same_. She was thinking of revoking Wei Pi's _sort-of-unofficial_ title as Coolest Adult Ever, no matter how much help she'd been in getting Toph out of the diner. Wei Pi's voice was all smug when she responded.

"_No_. _I got you fighting gear_."

Toph's mind screeched to a halt. 

(Alright. So she could keep her title. _Coolest. Adult. Ever._)

(The following day, when it was just her parents and the staff again -none of the family was able to stay longer, _thankfully_-Toph put up with the predicted dress up game in a _distinctly_ better mood than she'd been in the years previous. Knowing that she'd be competing in the next Earth Rummble VI in _her own_ Earthbending fighting gear was in no small part the reason for that.)

* * *

Toph didn't get as far as she would have liked in her first competition in the Earth Rumble, but she still beat every kid in her age group, and the couple above her -it was the fifteen-year-old that caused her problems. She'd never 'seen' him in the ring before, but he was pretty slick for someone mostly self-taught, and he had _more stamina_ than she did. Their bought lasted until she got too frazzled to keep track of all his movements, then he surprised her with a _curving underground strike_.

(Which was _so cool_. She was going to try and copy it, because the idea wasn't just awesome, it would be _totally applicable_ to a real battle. This meant Wei Pi couldn't _stop_ her from working on something showy.) 

She left feeling exhausted and a little beat down, but so happy, she didn't complain at all the next day when they had to do an etiquette lesson because Father and Mother wanted to check on her progress in person. Father got weirdly quiet when he found out that Toph's favorite lessons were history -specifically anything that had to do with military expansion- and science. Mother was amused, if nothing else, when Toph forgot that etiquette was boring and started animatedly telling the woman about the Bobbit Clown Fish, that could bore through solid stone.

(She forgot to keep track of what Father was doing, or she would have noticed him gently arguing with Nanny Pi in the corner. Needless to say, she took almost no notice when Father stormed out, because Mother stayed and _listened to her_ while she spoke. True, she was _only_ listening to her talk about an -admittedly creepy- fish that could dig through stone, but it was _something_.)

It took her a few days to realize that Father never did stay through the whole lesson. 

(By then, it was too late to wonder what had led to him storming out.) 

* * *

She finally won her first competition. Not _just_ for her age group either. She won the tournament belt. 

(She and Nanny Pi had practiced for hours on simplifying her movements until they flowed to fast for sighted people's eyes to catch. The _Earth_ never had a problem understanding which steps she took. At this point, they'd become good at dancing together -and Dabogong would never deny his favorite a dance.)

They gave her the winners pot, which she knew she'd be hiding away with all the _other things_ she squirreled into cubbies beneath her room. The belt, she ended up excitedly shoving in Wei Pi's face, and they got _celebratory greasy food_ from a stall along the top before heading home.

(Wei Pi had been in a weird mood for the last few weeks. She still listened to Toph, but she didn't react the way Toph had become used to, did things just subtly off, like she was fighting with herself about something. Tense even when they were alone in the expansive garden, tone firm when Toph tried to wheedle her into mischief. She kept getting into arguments with Father too, which was _worrisome_. Now, she was all _happy-proud-hugs_, and acting like she should be, and even _better_, telling Toph that she was _amazing_, and that she _knew_ she could do it.)

Toph was so abuzz with excitement, she didn't think she would fall asleep that night. She was proven wrong by her own mind dragging her under. The next morning, she woke up with stiff muscles and sore feet, but she was content -_she_ won! _She won the championship_, and maybe she could get Nanny Pi to give her a rundown of what to work on, because she wanted to _win again_. Her bedroom door opened as she was scooting out of bed, toes just barely touching down. '_Good morning Nanny Pi,_' is on the tip of her tongue.

The greeting never leaves her lips, because the person standing in her doorway isn't Nanny Pi. Nanny Pi isn't the one that helps her bathe, or get dressed for the day. She isn't there for morning meal. Toph fidgets with her food, feet dug into the Earth and straining, because there's something _wrong_ about all of this. There's a difference to the estate that makes _no sense_.

(The Earth was _too still_. Like it was waiting for something. Like it was waiting for _her_ to do something.)

"Mother?" She asks quietly, and almost swears the woman flinches. 

"Yes, dear? Is your Congee _too hot?_" Toph shakes her head slowly, fidgeting some more with her food.

"Where's Nanny Pi? Is she sick?" She asks instead. Her voice comes out smaller than she wants it to. 

There's a silence, and then her Father speaks, voice soft but firm, and the tone is the one he uses when nothing she says will make it through to his brain. It's the tone of voice that said he had _already_ made up his mind and that there was little reason to continue speaking about the matter.

"Jin Wei Pi no longer works for us. The original contract we agreed upon expired yesterday, and she was escorted off the premises this morning." His voice gentled in that way he used when he thought he was being kind. "You don't have to worry, dear. We've already lined up several replacements that should do, in a pinch."

Toph ... had no words. He hadn't even bothered to explain why she was gone. Just that she was _gone_.

(No more Nanny Pi, laughing as she corrected Toph's stance for the newest set. No more quiet silences while she listened to Toph speaking, offering small input and a lot of acceptance. No more making Toph feel like she fit in her own skin.)

"We'll make sure this one focuses on your etiquette, like _we_ need -not on sciences and history. After all, we can't set up any _potential matches_ until we're sure you know what's expected. But don't worry about that _now_! That's not for a couple more years."

(But Toph She liked science and history. They were her favorite subjects -much more applicable _to her_ than _etiquette_ lessons were.)

(Deep beneath her, Dabogong rumbled with worry.)

"Bring her back," Toph said, cutting him off mid-tangent. 

Father fell silent, and Mother with even more still than she _had_ been.

"What did you-" He started slowly, in that same, _stupid_ tone of voice.

"_I said_," Toph _growled_, slapping a hand on the table, standing before she knew she had the urge to stand, "_bring her back!_"

(A tremor raced underneath them, making the house shake slightly.)

"_Toph Bei Fong_, I am your Father, and you will _not_ speak to me in that tone of voice," Lao growled back, standing now too. "I understand you may be upset _now_, but you'll see in time, I'm merely doing my duty to _protect and prepare you for life_." 

Toph wanted to **_scream_**. _'What are you protecting me from here? _ She wanted to **_rail and rage_**. _'How is getting rid of my only friend protecting me?'_ She wanted to **_cry_**, which made her want to do the previous two things even more. 

(The ground was shaking now, and she could _feel_ Mother and Father's heartbeat picking up. She remembered the _last time_ she'd lashed out. There was no Wei Pi here to help smooth things over now. She wanted to not care -she wanted to lose control.)

Instead, she ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to cut that short and do some heavy edits, because I was hurting myself. The next chapter is likely going to be the last chapter.


	4. Lesson learned (put your mask back on)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of Toph's pre-sequel! Happy new year!! Yay!!!!
> 
> Chapter Status: 100% complete!

Running away was _easy_. Way easier than the first time around -this time she could see where she was going. She slipped into the Earth the same way others went swimming. As soon as she was out of her parents' sight, she bent herself down, _down_, **_down_** and tunneled through it like a tiny, more _human _Badgermole. The wild pound of _hurt-anger-sadness_ in her heart and head wouldn't _stop_. Every bit of space that she put between her and her parents should have helped, but it _didn't_. Instead, the feelings swelled up inside her.

_It hurt, knowing that they'd gotten rid of Nanny Pi- that they hadn't even bothered to explain why._

When she finally stopped running, it was because she felt like _breaking_. Her senses seemed to shrink, until her focus was on the ground where she stood, panting and making herself stand when she wanted to fall. There was a distant, humming stir in the Earth around her. She might have known what it was if she could broaden her focus. As it was, it felt like if she didn't focus on breathing, on just standing strong, she'd crumble like the most damaged of limed-marble stone.

_They thought they were protecting her._

(Toph thought of Nanny Pi's gentle hands braiding her hair.)

The Earth shook around her, loving even as it crumbled softly beneath her feet. As if it was trying to offer comfort.

(Nanny Pi had shown her how to read -Toph had laughed when the woman suggested it at first, but then she'd carved shapes into stone tablets, and Toph had -she had-)

The gentle rumble turned into a harsh growl. It was echoed by something with her in the caves, and she reached a trembling hand out, connected with rough, muddy fur. Her Badgermole Mother had come for her. Her hand turned into a fist, clenched in the fur in front of her.

(Nanny Pi had taught her how to read, and how to write. She'd shown Toph how her name was written and what it looked like. She'd taught Toph how to _fight_ and _get dressed by herself_. She'd taught her how to put her hair up. She'd shown Toph that being _'blind'_ didn't have to matter to other adults. She'd given Toph little pieces of independence. Most importantly -she'd given Toph _real_ affection. Not the distant, overprotective affections of her birth parents. Toph being _blind_ hadn't factored into their dynamic. Most importantly, Jin Wei Pi had shown Toph that she -) 

They'd gotten rid of her like she'd meant _nothing_, because they thought Toph was _weak_ and _needed them_. But Toph- 

_She didn't need protecting!_

She stomped her feet into hard stone and turned it into crumbling pebbles. Deep beneath her, something watched, held her up when she swore she was falling. She let ger rage move her limbs, dancing with the deep ground around her, with her Badgermole mother and the siblings she hadn't known of until their muddy fur brushed against her. She danced with her rage, and with her distant animal family, because if she didn't -

_**"I understand you may be upset now, but you'll see in time, I'm merely doing my duty to protect and prepare you for life."**_

If she didn't _now_, she would go back to her family estate and demolish it. She would show them what she was capable of, why she didn't _need_ their protection. She would _make_ them see her, really see _her_, not the child they thought they knew. Toph Bei Fong was not helpless, or delicate. She didn't want protection. They _only_ saw that she was _blind_ -but she was beginning to think that was a good thing. 

** _...We'll make sure this one focuses on your etiquette, like we need -not on sciences and history. After all, we can't set up any potential matches until we're sure you know what's expected..._ **

Toph didn't need to _see_ to know that something was making her parents blind to the _hurt_ their own actions caused. She knew that Nanny Pi wouldn't have wanted to leave. She liked being around Toph -the girl could tell, because her voice had only ever gone soft and happy when they were just ...being. Just talking, or learning, or anytime. Jin Wei Pi had _enjoyed_ being Toph's Nanny. All the rage fueling her left her in a rush, and she fell forward, into soft dirt. 

_"I'm so proud of you, Toph. You've come a long way in the last eight months!" Wei Pi had said softly, hugging Toph close and soothing back stray hairs. "One day, you're going to make history, I'm sure. I can't wait to help you rub it in your parents' faces."_

Her fists clenched in the dirt underneath her, shoulders shaking.

(She allowed herself to cry here, surrounded by _snuffling-nosed_ Badgermoles, because they would never judge her. She let herself _really_ cry -not pretend cry- for the first time since they'd shown her how to see, and it was like ripping open an old wound. She'd been crying because of her parents then too. This time felt worse.)

She needed to find Wei Pi. She needed to _understand_. There had to be a reason for why Wei Pi had just _left_. Her focus slowly started to broaden, until she made out the fuzzy masses of the Badgermoles in her mind, every dip and crevice of the cave she stood in. Had she tried to say goodbye _at all?_ Toph knew she would have fought if she didn't _want_ to go - that she wouldn't _just leave_. _Not without saying goodbye._

(Jin Wei Pi _had_ tried to say goodbye. But Lao Bei Fong had been _very determined_ that she was going -he'd called in extra muscle and guards, and no matter how she had fought, it hadn't been enough. Dabogong hadn't been able to do anything about it -except harden the Earth beneath their feet and shift their stances just subtly. This had only worked for a few minutes. Then, it hadn't mattered how much he tried to help. There were too many of them, and Dabogong had only woken a short time before. He wasn't yet _strong enough_ to use Wei Pi as a host -it would _kill_ her.)

Toph stomped her feet into the earth, felt the ripple spread around her, and stretched her senses even further, pushing through layers of rock and dirt and deep slate. She scrubbed at her own face roughly, tried to regulate her breathing. Her senses stopped, passing over wiggling, digging worms and other creatures, hovering in a nowhere space. She hadn't been able to reach the surface. Maybe they hadn't taken her far. Maybe Toph could _find_ her. She got a hug from her Badgermole Mother and her siblings, then made the decision to surface. She _needed_ to find Nanny Pi.

(She _couldn't_ find Wei Pi. She looked for hours, while dodging Bei Fong guards _looking for her_, and she found _nothing_. That feeling from deep in the Earth, the one that felt like _loose soil_ against her hands and feet, stayed with her the entire time she searched. By the time she had to give up, it had been ... a long time. She was hungry, and not necessarily _happy_ about the idea of going back to the Bei Fongs ... but _where else_ could she go?

All of _her_ money was at the estate, everything she'd earned from betting at the ring and from _winning_ in the ring, as were _her_ clothes. The stupid Hanfu she'd been dressed in that morning kept dragging on the ground around her feet, and she could tell it was _really_ muddy. She liked it, but she knew Mother wouldn't. It would probably be the first thing her parents focused on, that mud.)

She had to take some deep breaths before she could talk herself into going back. She was still angry-hurt, and she could still feel Wei Pi's missing presence like a knife in her belly. She knew she couldn't be found as she was. She had to find the right _face_ to wear, because she didn't _feel_ like the Toph Bei Fong her parents were used to. She'd had a lot of time, while looking for clues to Wei Pi's location, to realize that all her hurt came from letting herself get _attached_ to someone she'd _known_ was going to be shipped off -as soon as they weren't _shiny_ anymore. Wei Pi had made it so easy to get attached because-

(Because she'd wanted a _friend_, someone who saw _her_. Life had given her that -_and more_\- in the guise of Jin Wei Pi, and her parents had taken it away the instant _they_ thought it wasn't what Toph _needed_. Toph had managed to come up with a lot of _creative_ words to use about how she didn't _need_ pretty clothes, or fancy hairpins, because she couldn't _see_ any of those things, so why would she _want_ them? This argument never won her anything in her head, except memories of Wei Pi chuckling through her etiquette lessons.)

She managed to find a face that felt like what her parents might be expecting, and quietly found somewhere to sit where her parents' guards could find her. She was _choosing_ to go back -not because she _wanted_ to, but because without being able to find Wei Pi, she had nowhere else to go. At least with the Bei Fongs, she had _something_ -but for how long she wasn't sure. Maybe, in a couple of years, she could take her winnings and just walk away. 

(If she didn't, she _knew_ she would end up engaged to some boy, or worse, someone's young wife. Maybe in a couple of years, she'd have enough earnings to feel _safe_ in walking away from what she knew. The spirits of divination tied her string of fate tighter, regretting that things had needed to end up this way. Dabogong was quietly railing at them even now, _especially_ for preventing the deity from helping his Faveortie find her caretaker. What ultimately put the spirit deity at ease was the knowledge that the Avatar would wake soon, and that Toph's fate would be tied to him -it could be no other way. They had tested all the strings of fate, every path explored. The world only saw balance again when Toph Bei Fong stood at the Avatar's side.) 

* * *

They did eventually find her, half-asleep and hiding under a half-felled tree. She wasn't crying anymore, and she wouldn't _ever_ know, but it was very clear that she _had been_ at some point. Her muddy cheeks were streaked with patches of peachy skin, and the guards who found her took great pains in being gentle, because they weren't sure what had caused the girl to run away, but some of them could guess. They'd all liked Jin Wei Pi. Of all the nanny's they'd seen come and go, she'd been the one to treat Toph most like a child. Those that shared Lao and Poppy's opinion of the girl being a delicate, helpless little girl were kept far away from her as they lead her back home.

Lao Bei Fong was understandably upset with her, and Poppy was aghast at the child's appearance. They had her bathed and fed before they started lecturing her. The lectures lasted not just for the entirety of the night, but in small spurts over the next few days. Toph sat quietly through them all, her eyes focused on a nowhere point over her parents' shoulders. The most alarming thing for the staff at large was that she didn't argue about anything her parents said. She agreed, disagreed, or promised when she was prompted to do so. She ate what she was told, accepted whatever punishment they decided to give, and then just ...waited for the next lecture to start.

By the time the week was out and a new nanny was in residence, Toph Bei Fong had been forced to make a lot of promises -none of which she intended to keep- and was so perfectly docile, several of the long term staff were reasonably concerned.

(This concern, notably, didn't make them any more vigilant in the days-week-months that followed. Toph still managed to sneak out every night and shake up the Earth with her repressed fury. The most recent Nanny barely lasted three weeks before Toph very purposefully got her fired by pretending to be completely inept when Mother unexpectedly visited during a lesson.)

* * *

Jin shoved off another would-be offender, _snarling_ in a way that would have made Toph proud. The guards laughed from the sidelines, and she had enough of a breather to contemplate how easy it would be to smash their faces in if they were on _solid land_. Thinking of solid land inevitably lead to thinking about Toph, and worrying that her _idiot parents_ had locked her up, away from nature again. This ultimately lead to the infuriating reasons she was in a _Dabogong-be-dammed_ prison instead of stealthily visiting her charge on a regular basis. 

_"How dare you think you could get away with **abusing** my daughter-"_ Lao's voice, tone enraged and words so wrong. Apparently someone had seen the bruises from Earth Rummble and assumed the worst, most _ill-informed_ reasons for them.

(She hadn't been able to explain them, because Toph's lessons were a _secret_, one between her and her ward, and not one she would betray for anything. Especially not to the man that would have just as soon kicked her into Jail on principle _anyway_ for daring to teach his _delicate daughter_ how to be one with her element.)

_"We brought you into our family and this is how you repay us?"_ Poppy, the simpering fool, egging her husband on, even though her concerns had only been about the lack of consistent etiquette lessons, and the alarming amount of knowledge her daughter had about the Bobbit Clown Fish. She hadn't like the military lessons either.

(Jin had thought the girls' wild fascination in nature was adorable, especially when she had picked up a brush and ink and very seriously _'drawn'_ her interpretation of the animal.)

She used the rage these memories always inspired to fight off the next round of _real_, _criminal offenders_ that thought they could take advantage of the weak little Earth Kingdom woman. As soon as Jin Wei Pi got out of the dammed prison -unsurprisingly, run and maintained by _Bei Fong's_\- she was going to _haunt_ their haughty, ill-informed asses to the grave.

(And possibly see how Toph felt about _rebelling_ against her parents. It didn't sit well with her, the idea of encouraging a child to run away. What sat _worse_ with her was the fact that her charge was even now still under her parents' _idiot thumbs_, and she was two years away from being prime-engagement age by Earth Kingdom noble standards.)

She really needed to find a way to break her and her fellows out. _Soon_.

* * *

Toph was numb, for a long while. For three months, she was numb, and it was exhausting. She was desensitized during the day, and angry at night, when she cracked open every lesson Jin had taught her and _danced her rage into the Earth_. She joined the next few rounds of Earth Rumble VI -which surprisingly still hadn't been caught and broken up by the local enforcers, but that was likely because the current ringmaster had smartly put a couple on his payroll- and she _decimated_ anyone stupid enough to step into _her_ ring. They thought she was a young blind boy, and found her stage name hilarious, and that was _fine_ with Toph, as long as she got to smash some faces in.

(She felt the most alive on the stage, putting all the things she'd been taught to good use. It was also the closest she could be to Wei Pi now, because Jin had helped her get the fighting clothing, and pick her name, and fill out the entry paperwork. This was the last, and most important thing she shared with the woman that had helped shape who she would be.)

Wei Pi was-_had been_\- more than a Nanny to her. She was-she'd been a... Toph hesitated to even think the word 'Mother.' She didn't have a good track record with that word. Her birth Mother loved her, but it was the distant, protective kind of love given because she felt she had a duty to do so. As much as she hated admitting it ... her parents were waiting until she was old enough to marry so that they could pass her care off to someone else, someone that would take the Bei Fong name and look after Toph so that they didn't have to anymore. Poppy Bei Fong's love almost _always_ felt conditional. 

(She could almost hear all the unspoken declarations of her mother's _love_. 'I love my good, delicate, _proper_ daughter that doesn't laugh too loud.' Poppy's voice whispers in her mind. 'I love my soft, _defenseless_ daughter that wears whatever I tell her to and _smiles when she should._' it continues, echoing and crashing against Toph's senses. 'I love my daughter because she's everything a noble daughter _should be_, and definitely not strong enough to be anything but _helpless_.' Poppy Bei Fong had never said these words, but Toph could very well imagine them being things the woman thought, if distantly.)

Mothers were nothing but trouble. 

(Except with her Badgermole Mother, but animal mothers were different than human ones. She knew her Badgermole Mother would always be there if Toph went looking, would always love her in her animal way.)

So she couldn't say that Nanny- that _Jin Wei Pi_ had been like a _mother_ to her. She'd been _more_. She'd listened when Toph spoke, and given hugs without worrying about mussing herself up, and known Toph's favorite foods and drinks and activities without ever having to be _told_ what they were. This didn't feel like friendship either -but then, Toph had never had a friend before, so maybe it was.

All she really knew was that she _missed it_. And hated it. 

Things were easier when she didn't have this big gaping hole in her chest where Jin lived. Things were easier when everyone -even and especially her parents- were kept at a distance, where they couldn't become important. So on the nights where the missing was _really bad_, and the newest Nanny's words were ringing all annoying in her brain, she pretended that she was building a hard shell over her skin. Every opponent in the ring that she crushed became more validation that she was a phenomenal bender -probably the best Earthbender in the world. 

(Sometimes, she swore her skin really _was_ hardening. Sometimes she felt hard stone under her flesh and soft slate crack over her skin. Sometimes the whisper of deep soil thickened her blood. There were days she swore the Earth _lived_ in her now.)

(It did. Dabogong wasn't strong enough to be _truly_ present in her life -yet- but he could give her this. He could help brace her in small ways. Watching her hurt was worse than watching Oma and Shu hurt. But then, they'd been adults by the end of it, and his Toph was still only a cub.)

* * *

Thousands of miles away, in the midst of a three hundred-day siege on the walls of Ba Sing Se, a woman stood strong under Agni's closing eye. She had a mission to complete, a promise to keep. Far beyond her, her general was taking his turn in the most recent string of attacks, keep track and shouting orders down the ranks. She was supposed to be resting, but she hadn't rested in several weeks and she wasn't sure she knew how anymore. The next few moves they made were important. They needed to be made precisely to plan, or the entire operation, all the of their time laying the groundwork for future events, was ruined. How could she rest knowing all of that?

It was perhaps fate that a messenger hawk -backed by a gale of wind that was almost natural, if you weren't paying attention- alighted on one of the tables that held a slew of maps. The hawker in charge of her corner of the camp made to come forward, but she waved him off, holding out an arm for the familiar beast. 

(She had grown up helping her father preen it's feathers after all. The old boy wasn't so good at landing anymore, which was why her father had been able to buy him off of the hawkery for nearly nothing. They would have retired him otherwise, and they couldn't let that happen. Such a strong, steady bird should never go before it's time is truly up, no matter how badly he landed on things. The maps now dancing with the wind were attesting to his poor landing abilities, and she spent several quiet minutes soothing a hand over his feathers, watching several of the newest recruits chasing her maps around in a wild dance.)

By the time the old boy was crooning at her in contentment, she was ready to read the missive attached to him. 

(Later, she would wish she had stalled a bit longer, because she had found real peace in those minutes before, watching the winds play with her maps.)

Her general was frowning at her when she ran up to him, very obviously breaking his clear orders to rest, but this -

_"...your youngest sister is in very big trouble, and you happen to be the closest...any help until your siblings arrive..."_

Of _all_ the times for her sister to cause trouble and be wild, she'd chosen _now!_

"General Iroh! Forgive me, but I need a moment of your time." Her general studied her with sharp eyes -eyes that always saw too much- but he nodded, handing off duties to her temporary replacement. 

"You look quite stressed, Major General Lee. What has occurred?"

She grimaced with her next, quick, quiet words. 

"I must beg some _very brief_ time off. An _urgent_ family matter nearby-"

* * *

It had been seven months since Jin was ghosted out of her life, and Toph had seen three Nannies leave in that short amount of time. All three of them she'd very purposefully gotten _fired_. She still preferred to treat her parents to silence than humor them with communication, and she could tell that -at least on her Mother's part- it was beginning to irritate. Her Father was probably just glad that she'd stopped _talking back_. Toph had been experimenting with different personas to wear on the estate, different masks that could get her different things, and eventually, she settled on one that seemed appropriate for dealing with ...well, everyone.

The Toph she was with the mask on was soft, and sad, and docile. She easily caved to dictates about safety and was a little sullen. When she was this Toph, she cried out for the guards every so often while wandering the gardens, just to see how quickly they came. This Toph could sit in a room with Poppy Bei Fong and twist her up with _confused-guilt_ so well, the woman didn't even know it was happening. 

(If Jin were still around, she'd think it was _hilarious_. This thought only ever made Toph's night-time escapades even more violent, and her matches in the ring _increasingly showy in her rage_. Some people were catching on to the fact that she was a girl, but the ring at large seemed convinced that she was just a very feminine young boy. Jin would have found _that_ doubly hilarious. This fact only ever made her anger-hurt-rage _doubly worse_.)

It was another month before she got even an inkling of an idea as to why her parents had really gotten rid of Wei Pi so quickly. The fact that the information didn't come from her _parents_, but from the servants gossiping with the newest nanny shouldn't have come as a shock.

"Miss Bei Fong is so _frustrating_." Newest Nanny growled. 

(Toph hadn't bothered learning her name, because she wasn't going to last any longer than the last one had.)

The chattering young servants with her paused in their gossip, and easily let themselves get drawn in. Toph adjusted her position in the hidden little alcove she'd bent into existence and settled in to listen and learn. She'd realized after the first New Nanny was fired that the servants gossiping was an untapped resource of information, and because she was the greatest Earbender in history, she'd managed to hide several little places she could eavesdrop without being caught.

"How so?" One of them asked -Toph didn't know her name because they never spoke to her, but it might have been Ping. 

New Nanny sighed, and from the way her body shifted just subtly, she might have slouched against the table.

"Her _records_ in the room show a high aptitude for retaining information, and I know that she's at least had someone go over several of the etiquette scrolls we're working on, but every time I test her on it, she just-" here the woman paused, making _clearly frustrated_ noises, "it's like she didn't retain _any_ of it."

There was a small, speaking silence, one that Toph had come to associate with sighted people giving each other _important-and-frustrating-looks_.

"How _old_ are the records?" a slightly older-but-still-young voice asked.

There was mild confusion in Newest Nannie's voice when she replied, and Toph was equally as curious as to why the age of the records would matter. 

(Jin had told her what the records meant once, while they were going over writing and reading, and Toph had been asking her a million questions about why Nanny's had to do certain things. Toph was getting sad-mad now.)

"The most recent _legible_ one was dated about seven-and-half months ago, I think. The _others_ are all quickly written and a little _manic_, why?"

Another of those _speaking-sighted-silences_, and one of the servants got up to quickly check the hallway for anyone listening. When she returned, all three women shifted, and possibly leaned in towards each other.

"Those would be from Jin Wei Pi's time here." the young-young servant whispered. 

(Toph's heart clenched at hearing someone else say that name.)

Newest Nanny made confused noises, and after tea had apparently been handed out, the servant women began talking in hushed -but thankfully not _too_ hushed- voices. 

"Jin Wei Pi was Miss Bei Fong's longest Nanny. She was stern, and tough-as-nails, and I heard, she used to be in the military!" A bunch of gasping sounds followed that particular admission, and once they were quiet, the old-but-still-young servant piped up.

"But she _was_ very kind, just very _quietly_. I'd never seen anyone so patient with the Young Miss. They became quite close -Miss Bei Fong was almost like a little Antelope Wolf-pup with Nanny Wei Pi, following her around everywhere." Her voice grew sad here, and Toph's heart clenched some more. "It's a pity everything went so bad."

"What happened?" Newest Nanny asked softly. 

"Lord and Lady Bei Fong thought she was being _too rough_ on the young miss." young-young servent revealed slowly, and Toph braced her back flat against the wall, taking in this new information with mild confusion. "A couple of the waitstaff said that the young miss started getting these _bruises_, and that they never made any sense."

Morse surprised gasping sounds, when old-but-still-young piped up again -and Toph had to shelf her _general outrage_ at everything that was wrong with what she was hearing.

(Jin Wei Pi would have never willfully hurt Toph. Toph was the one that hurt Toph! She loved getting all bruised from a good tumble! Why did getting bruised have to be a bad thing, and why hadn't anyone warned it would be seen that way?)

"It wasn't true of course, you only had to watch the two of them to know that. _I_ think that the Young Miss was getting the bruises from roughhouse around on their walks." She said slowly, her center shifting some more, sending tiny ripples over the stone. "Miss Bei Fong is an Earthbender, you know. Nanny Wei Pi must have been letting her play a little rougher than her parents would have liked on their walks outside."

A small argument between the young-young servant -who was now Toph's least favorite servant, because she thought Wei Pi had been abusing her- and the old-but-still-young one, who thought the opposite. Newest Nanny eventually cut in, clearly exasperated.

"Yes, alright, but _what happened?_ Why would Miss Bei Fong be pretending not to know anything?" 

Another small, speaking silence. Toph hated speaking silences. They were _ninety-percent eye-contact_, and you needed to _see _to understand it all.

"The Lord and Lady decided against renewing her contract, and confronted her. Wei Pi refused to give out any information about the bruises," there was a small scuffle here, in which young-young servant tried to say something and old-but-young didn't let her, "_and_ when they stated they had _trouble_ with the way some of her lessons appeared to be going -_less_ etiquette and more _knowledgable subjects_, like histories and sciences- she told them that she was gearing her lessons towards _Miss Bei Fong's_ interests, _not theirs_."

"So!" Young-young servant interrupted, sounding_ wildly excited_ and briefly _too-loud_, "_so_, they had her forcibly removed from the estate, and my cousin -who sometimes works as a guard, when the Bei Fong's have a formal function or something- _he_ told me they carted her off to a _special family prison!_"

They spoke a little more, but Toph wasn't sure she heard most of it -something about why Toph might be _pretending_ to not understand anything- her head buzzing and her stomach _sinking_. That hadn't been the kind of information she was looking for when she trailed Newest Nanny to the servants' rest-room, at the very back of the estate. That hadn't been information she was adequately equipt to handle during the day. She put her _'mask'_ back on, became a _different_ Toph Bei Fong to get through the day.

(But the _knowledge_ that the only person she'd been able to be herself with was _locked in a cage_ because of her...it was distracting, and _nauseating_, and not something she'd have _ever_ been able to guess. The idea that her parents had locked someone up for such a baseless reason, that they hadn't even bothered to ask Toph, to _verify_-)

That night, she sank all her rage into the Earth and danced with it's shattering skin like she'd die if she stopped. It wasn't enough. She still felt _too much_ by the time she _had_ to return to her room. 

* * *

The prison was well, guarded, and well supplied, but she was _very determined_. If any of the men guarding it had ever heard of Captain Jin Wei Pi of the 92nd Buffalo Fox division, they would have known to stay well clear of her -and subsequently, anyone trying to actively break into the prison. As it was, the men guarding the prison were all in the employment of the Bei Fongs. They'd never seen war, nor had they ever fought in a life-or-die battle. They'd been quite successfully cushioned in their jobs, far from the war -_thus far_\- and safe in a prison meant to hold criminals.

This safety only lasted as long as it took for a string of happenstance to occur; Jin Wei Pi found a connection to the Earth in an otherwise _floating_ prison; Her family finally rallied just enough of a force to risk fighting for her; The last -and arguably most important- coincidence was that the spirits that divined and bound the strings of fate looked into the consequences and results of multiple futures in which Jin Wei Pi of the 92nd division _wasn't_ freed. They unanimously decided that it was in their best interest to be looking the other way the day she decided to act.

The proverbial dice had been cast for the unfortunate souls that had opted for a cushy job under a rich family over an honorable position _further afield_.

* * *

Ten months after her tenth birthday, Toph could _almost_ forget that she hadn't always felt so hard on the outside. She could almost forget that there had been a time she wanted nothing more than to have someone she could talk to, someone who knew her. She'd had to make herself believe that the _only_ way to get through life was by carrying her _own_ weights and burdens. The instant she took on someone else's, the instant she _cared_, she risked carrying pieces of other people around with her, and one hole in her heart was one hole too many. 

(Jin's space inside her was still starkly empty and too full at the same time. All of her memories of the _faceless-woman-that-had-cared_ were carefully stored there, and if Toph really needed to feel like she wasn't alone, she pulled one out. Otherwise, she pretended the hole in her heart didn't exist, and that the only _Mother's_ she knew were Poppy and a _Badgermole_. Doing anything less hurt too much.)

She'd become good at being the other Toph too. The one that was perfectly docile and content to let her parents _'protect,'_ her. This Toph smiled sweetly at her parents' political functions, and didn't twitch in outrage when someone referred to her with pity. This Toph didn't complain about the baby-breathing exercises Master Yu made her do in all her lessons, and she didn't beg for more time outdoors. She was very good at wandering aimlessly through the gardens and then 'getting lost.' She was still occasionally sullen, and tended to long silences rather than speaking her mind, and often dropped out of conversations _entirely_ right in the middle of them. This was necessary to dig the deep pool of guilt in her parent's hearts _ever deeper_.

(They'd tried to find more _friendly_ Nannies for her, having finally realized after the _dozenth_ Nanny sent packing that their daughter hadn't _laughed_ since Jin Wei Pi was forcibly dismissed. Toph had quietly thwarted all their efforts by merely _not engaging_ in the way they wanted her to. Unfortunately, by the time this occurred, there was no way to get in contact with the prison because it had _sunk_, presumably with everyone in it. Loa and his brothers either didn't notice that this happened around the same time a group of odd-ball bandits started attacking _only_ Bei Fong ports and supply routes, or didn't care for the coincidence.)

The real Toph? The _real_ Toph was gruff and sarcastic. She could cackle with the best of them and liked to throw underhanded taunts at her opponents because their hearts would _thump-thump_ in outrage. She fought and won all her battles with a beautiful kind of simplicity, and understood basic war tactics -because her human mentor had been one hell of a soldier. She had _unshakable_ confidence in her own abilities, and in her place in the world. She was impossible to get close to because actions were the only things she trusted, and most people talked more than they acted. 

She saw nothing wrong with how she'd turned out, because Jin Wei Pi had once told her _'we are shaped by our environment, and in a way that helps us survive it.'_ This meant, in no uncertain terms, that Toph was merely at the _top_ of the food chain.

(All of these quiet beliefs, which grew over time, where helped in no small part by Dabogong growing power. He hadn't expected so many people to _still_ pray to him, but he was grateful they did, because over time, he was able to wander into his Favorites dreams and commune with her that way. It should be noted that Toph's _real_ personality only became _even brasher_ once she had the patented approval and verbal backing of her peoples' spirit deity. Dabogong saw nothing wrong with this. His favorite was adorable.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That I managed to post this 100% complete on the New Year is wonderful. Now that this is done, I'll likely be playing ping-pong between my main fic Spirits and Azula's spin-off.  
(As always, please let me know if there are any obvious typos?)


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